Walk-a-Thought

I took that walk again during my lunch break. I would have wished for more clouds to hide some of the heat but I’m used to not getting what I want so what the hell, right? (Haha!) A 15-minute walk or so around the quiescent suburbs is my dose of calm. Just trying to jumpstart this week, I guess. The past 13 days have been really intense and disconcerting and it doesn’t help much when I listen to a lot of Muse and Radiohead. So I draw good energy by switching to more of It’s a Musical, She and Him, Bobby and Blumm and some light Juliana Hatfield. They are my meds, my vitamins.

Do you sometimes feel that way? Do you feel as if you don’t belong and you’re like some kind of quirk of nature? Well, I do most often than not. My friends do not exactly understand my peculiar tendencies. Maybe because at times, I would just rather watch the sky slowly unfold into ethereal beauty than go party. But they love me anyway and I heart them too much that I wouldn’t stay holed up too long.

Well, as I turn on the corner of Schusley and Goldpark, I feel that sense of calm coming over as expected. I know myself well enough to know which hum strikes my soft spot. Oh how I just wish this August is over. I’ve always been so out of balance every year on every August night breeze. Remember my 080808? Yeah, that was some crazy. Well I have a couple of days to waste away and September will come. I will always love my Septembers and the friendship with my beloved Virgos. We all grow old but not exactly wiser. But what the hell, this life is too complex to try to fit in a music box. 

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“And Jane came by with a lock of your hair

She said that you gave it to her

That night that you planned to go clear"

-          Leonard Cohen

I am grateful. I am drunk.

I guess I kinda lost the confidence to create new stuff and to write something that is fit to be words that would somehow make sense and pass for something some other person would say "yeah whatever". Maybe because I was too scared that I couldn't do that if it weren't for the guys who were there to make music with me. But you, who I daresay to admit that I look up to, posed a challenge. You gave me freedom to work on something new and something of my own that wasn't just like editing what you already created. I'm deeply grateful and profoundly flattered. It's a challenge and I can't promise something great but I can only promise that this work, whatever comes of it, may it be too simple or too trying, is something from some part of my soul that I still hold on to... some part where little of random and more of tanquility dwell like it's home. 

I am grateful. I am drunk.

my affair with the universe

I try to be quiet to be slow. I need slowness to remind myself that life is more than gossip and nonsense. I still believe that life is full of undiscovered wonders.

I can't be tied down to some illogical routine that eats up the part of me that I love -- the part that makes me appreciate the little things and the simplicity which I find so beautiful and sad at the same time. 

I find it suffocating sometimes to be surrounded by people because there's the need to listen, to understand, to respond and to please. On the other hand, the universe asks nothing from me. And so I keep to myself. I can be who I want to be without prejudice and standards. I just observe and watch the universe unfolds and she gives back a blue pail of wonder and a sense of contentment. 

As the moon slowly goes down, I smile and send a kiss to the sky to thank the universe for making me feel less lonely on this cool august night breeze.