After Months of No Blogging, I'm Alive!

It's funny how lack of inspiration would be the only way for me to start blogging here again. So it seems like blogging is my last resort and desperate attempt to find some sense of fulfillment somehow. Nearing the big 3-0 and the idealistic 20-year old me would probably be disappointed to see where I am now -- still figuring what I really want to do with my life.

They say that you gotta find your passion but when passion cannot pay the bills, you gotta suck it up like a 9-5 day job. What hit me was my boss saying, "This is exciting for you!". Is it really? Of course, I did not say that. I guess he was so excited for the new stuff at work that he thought I felt the same. If a lame thumbs-up emoticon in Skype chat was the epitome of exciting, yes I was filled with glee.

I know my boss just means well, and this is my attempt at an it's-not-you-it's-me line.. but really, I can't seem to find the drive to work. And even searching in Google for "how to be motivated at work" is just plain sad.

I read an article in 99u.com  talking about lack of motivation and how you don't have to fight it by trying to find inspiration. The search for motivation part actually stresses you out the most and would take so much of your time that you fail to get any work done. In the article, the answer to lack of motivation is to just do what you have to do instead of stressing over loss of inspiration or drive. Gretchen Rubin in her book, the Happiness Project, also believes that the way to stay positive is to "Act the way you want to feel". All these sound simple enough but the doing part is quite an effort. But then again, there are duties to fill and roles to play. It's either you quit or keep pushing. Right now, quitting just isn't an option so I carry on painstakingly.

Hoping for better days ahead. This is probably not a great a way to welcome the new year but I give myself a pat on the back, anyway, for at least having the energy to post something here even if it is clearly an attempt in finding a sense of accomplishment.

Yet another post that saved my life. Thanks to the "Elders of the Internet"!

1:11 On mooncake.

There must be a figure below or a limit to this dark abyss of a sky. How can we tell if only the sound and light beckon? Even a tiny flicker of light is distance almost unknown. But we try to feel it somehow, whether driven by a poignant sound or dreaming on a starless night. Yes we try to feel it somehow… the dream.

Fan girl moment!

Scariest and Most Fascinatingly Twisted Character on TV Today

A "reimagination" of the "Red Dragon" by Thomas Harris is now on TV. When I first heard about the show, I was curious about this new version of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. How can they surpass or even match such an iconic role portrayed by Anthony Hopkins on film? When you've seen the best, somehow it's difficult to imagine anyone that can be as legendary. Still I was curious but ready to find a substandard version as I always do when something is translated from film to television.

I was ready to be disappointed but found myself fascinated, intrigued, and entertained. Dr. Hannibal Lecter is played by Mads Dittmann Mikkelsen. His portrayal of a reputable forensic psychiatrist with a keen eye for elegant things like wine, cuisine, and art is hauntingly menacing and compelling at the same time. His facial features, tone of voice, peculiar accent, and overall strangeness are chilling but beguiling. He draws you in with his cultured and comforting demeanor while the anticipation of horror is lurking at the smooth edges of his persona. It is just the right recipe of dread and appeal portrayed in a unique and enthralling character, delivered most expertly by Mikkelsen.

I'm certainly hooked! The show just ended their first season this week, and I have four more episodes to see before the twisted season finale. NBC renews Hannibal for season 2. And yes, that's nothing surprising for such a new awesome show and a character to watch out for.

She Owns My Paper Cups

2 or 3 years of running out of metaphors and hints of disclosure and still at a loss for the exact words. So I resort to big nothings and sob into my own paper cup. But here she is, soothing me to slumber with the hope of a clean-slate tomorrow. Thank you, milady...

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It's that cliche that your in the middle of a crossroads but you've already chosen the coarsed road and taking those hard-earned steps further into trickier terrain. No philosopher has ever told us that we can't bring an iPod or a good book on our difficult travels. No one said that at a night of struggles, the sky would be so lovely and full of encouragement.

Smile and be grateful. We need that for the days ahead. It will all be good. It will all be worth it. 

morning chords

waking up to a sound, a tone,

to a beginning of a symphony,

to an end to a dragging medley

a mellow comfort to a night of sleepless hesitations

bring clarity and certainty

my morning chords

a soothing clarity

and the hum to my weary bones

every key lulls my doubts to sleep

no refrains, only a recurring chorus

no bridge, only verses to a quiet story

this morning and these chords